Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
