I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
