Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
im six kinds of drunk right now
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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