I am puke
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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