I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
