I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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