I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
