i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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