Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
