problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
