Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
