Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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