What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
