from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
