remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
