If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
