next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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