Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
