im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
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