I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Randomize
