good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
