I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
