my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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