I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Dignity is for republicans.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
