You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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