He uses pillows to masturbate.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
