if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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