his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Randomize
