i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
where does the pee come out of this thing
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
