she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
