i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Randomize
