You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
