I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
