last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
