wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
