He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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