She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
