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• (703): View more from Virginia

  I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband

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• (850): View more from Florida

  he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.

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• (713): View more from Texas

  Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?

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• (720): View more from Colorado

  so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass

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• (208): View more from Idaho

  She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"

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• (952): View more from Minnesota

  I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.

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• (309): View more from Illinois

  I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.

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• (678): View more from Georgia

  Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.

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• (970): View more from Colorado

  Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.

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• (614): View more from Ohio

  don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"

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• (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.

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• (248): View more from Michigan

  We need to make tonight low-budget

  (1-248): View more from Michigan

  Is this your way of suggesting flasks?

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• (519): View more from Ontario

  Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.

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• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.

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• (901): View more from Tennessee

  We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?

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