You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
