There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
