question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Terrible idea I love it
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize