I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
