i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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