Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize