I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
