I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
