And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
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