a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
