Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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