its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
