Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
