Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
