I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
