if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
