saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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