she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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