Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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