my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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