i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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