how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
