it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
