So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
You've changed since you got that strap on
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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