yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
