I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
