he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
you never un-have a 4some
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
