help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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