I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize