i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
