If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Be still, my beating vagina.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
