Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
How drunk are you?
Completed.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
