Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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