God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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