dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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