Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
