I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Randomize
