Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
