my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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