Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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