So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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